When I read about families attempting to stay connected by going on Sunday visits in Jane Austens books, I actually think to myself, “I’m so glad we don’t do this anymore.” Wearing my “Sunday best,” riding around in a carriage on a hot afternoon, just to sit and chit-chat? No, thank you.
I would much rather curl up at home with a cup of tea and a good book.
So, when I sign up for something like book club with a bunch of girlfriends, and the date for our discussion finally arrives, I totally understand the urge to skip it. There are always truly good excuses: it’s been a long day, dinner is barely cleaned up, the kids need baths.
However, book club is so much more than small talk with neighbors that you rarely see. Every time I go, I leave so full of gratitude.
The beauty of this event on your social calendar is that it requires little time and has a special way of creating meaningful friendships.
Why Is It So Hard to Stay Connected with Friends as an Adult?
I think we’ve all asked ourselves this question at some point in time. When we were young, we were convinced that being an adult meant that we could eat cookies and ice cream at any hour we wanted…but the truth is, if we choose to throw caution to the wind and consume that much sugar too late at night, there are some real consequences…
The responsibilities that come along with being an adult are no joke. We’re juggling careers, caring for our kids or sometimes even aging parents, plus we have a household to manage. Admittedly, you’re not alone here—everyone’s calendar is quite full.
The problem isn’t that we don’t value friendship. The problem is that friendship usually get fit into the margins of life, and it’s often the first thing left out of the mix if we feel too overwhelmed.
Many of us tell ourselves that we’ll invest in friendships “when life settles down.” But, I think we also know that our lives will always be full. Life rarely settles down.
Do Meaningful Friendships Require More Time?
The literal answer is—yes, they do require more time. However, and hear me out now, a meaningful friendship is one of the few investments that has a way of spilling over into every other part of your life.
If you are intentional about your time and your conversation, you’ll find yourself thinking differently because of a perspective you hadn’t considered, or you have more patience with your children because your own emotional cup feels a little fuller.
Best of all, you’ll feel less alone carrying the ordinary burdens of life because someone else now knows what you’re carrying.
It doesn’t necessarily matter what you are doing together. Maybe it’s a walk, a shared hobby, a dinner every few months, or even a monthly book club. If you are willing to make the effort to carve out just a couple of hours each month, then you will reap the rewards.
But the conversation that you share, an intentional, genuine conversation is so much more meaningful than twenty random text messages.
Is a Book Club Worth the Time?
My son was born in May 2020, at the height of the pandemic. This was an especially challenging time to find connection, but even more so as a postpartum mom. My husband and I were navigating this new world while also juggling changing diapers, feedings, and something called a sleep “routine”. ha.
Not long after the world started to open back up, I was invited to a book club with some ladies from my church, and since I love books, I thought it sounded like fun. However, I had no idea that it would absolutely change everything for me. While talking about the stories we read, we also had the opportunity to share our own stories and these women became genuine friends. The stories brought opportunities to wrestle with challenging questions and we were able to hear perspectives we’d never considered. We all felt seen, heard, and connected.
We always left feeling so encouraged. I was amazed at how something as simple as a book could help to knit us together as a genuine community, helping us to stay connected. It was beautiful!
This experience helped me to see that I’m more than someone who manages my family’s schedules. I’m a person who still loves learning, discussing ideas, and I have something beautiful to contribute.
With that mindset shift, I was able to return home to my family with a new perspective.
Why Are So Many People Joining Book Clubs?
Book clubs are a growing trend these days, which is great because people have heard that they are a great way to stay connected. Independent bookstores are expanding their book club offerings and libraries are also hosting more discussion groups. I’ve even noticed that publishers are including discussion guides at the end of many novels as people read more together and the demand increases.
Starting or joining a book club is one of the most accessible ways to build a community around a shared experience. Book clubs aren’t a niche hobby anymore, they are truly so much more. In an Inc.com article highlighting the trend, the author cites Carleton University psychologist Joanna Pozzulo, who reported in The Conversation that “among younger adults, interest in book clubs is growing: about 21 percent of Gen-Zers and 29 percent of Millennials report belonging to one.”
I’ve also read articles more recently about the increase in travel to literary destinations. Prince Edward Island or a Jane Austen tour of England anyone?
How Books Create Better Conversations
Recently, I had the privilege of interviewing Annie B. Jones, owner of The Bookshelf, an independent bookstore in Thomasville, Georgia, and author of Ordinary Time: Lessons Learned While Staying Put. During our conversation, she shared a story that perfectly captures why I believe book clubs are about so much more than reading books. They are about how to stay connected with other women.
Her book club had just finished reading A Guardian and a Thief, a novel that touches on immigration. One member of the group, a farmer, shared how immigration policies had affected her own work and the people she encountered every day, and her perspective was one that many others in the room had never considered.
No one was trying to win a political argument. They weren’t debating to prove who was right. Instead, they listened and asked questions. They learned from someone whose experiences were different from their own. As Annie put it,
“Books are still the best way to have conversations about difficult things in a safe way.”
That’s the beauty of a book club. A story gives everyone common ground. Rather than arguing abstract ideas, we begin with the same pages and ask simple questions: What stood out to you? Why do you think that character made that choice? Did you see that ending coming? Before long, those conversations naturally lead to sharing our own experiences and perspectives.
In a world that often feels divided, books have a remarkable way of helping us slow down, listen well, and understand one another more deeply.
If you’d like to hear Annie expand on this idea, I’d love for you to watch our full conversation.
How to Build Meaningful Friendships and Stay Connected When Life Is Busy
If you are looking for some practical ways to implement these ideas, here is what’s worked for me and also a few friends who chimed in while I was writing this post.
1. Protect one recurring rhythm
If you have a recurring date on the calendar, then you are more likely to commit to the meeting. Honestly, I think once a week is a lot, so I like to aim for once a month. Another reason I love book clubs—this allotment of time gives you the chance to read a full book and then be ready to talk about it when you meet with your friends.
2. Choose shared experiences
This can be anything: cooking, walks, shopping, or (have I mentioned this already?) a book club! The purpose of having this shared experience is that it gives you something meaningful to discuss.
3. Don’t wait until life slows down
Take an assessment of your current calendar and commitments. We often ask ourselves if we can afford to spend three hours away from home tonight. But, maybe the better question is, “Who will I become if I keep saying no?”
4. Start small
Even one intentional gathering each month can change your relationships over time and help you to stay connected with your friends. You’ll be surprised!
Stay connected…
Once that date is on the calendar, and you imagine yourself almost cancelling because “it’s just easier.” Take a minute, and picture yourself driving home afterward and feeling encouraged and even inspired by the conversation that you were able to share. I’d even venture to guess that it might even help you to feel less alone.
The goal isn’t reading another book. The goal is to stay connected.
Meaningful friendships aren’t built because we suddenly have more time. They’re built because we decide that the time we already have is worth protecting.
The Literary Moms’ Book Club
This is exactly why I created The Literary Moms’ Book Club to help women stay connected with others in their season of life. I know that we do not need one more thing on the calendar. But, I believe that one intentional evening each month can change the way we experience the rest of the month.
Inside our community, we read thoughtfully chosen books (that we vote on together), we discuss ideas, and we learn from one another.
Our book club is an online membership that helps to make in-person book clubs easy. You can join with a group of friends and together use our discussion questions and monthly newsletter full of resources to support your in-person gathering. Or, you can join as an individual and simply chime in on chats in the group!
We also meet virtually once a month so you can ask all your questions about leading a book club or just share about your favorite current reads. I also share interviews with authors and other experts who help us to learn more and recognize the beauty in our everyday ordinary lives.
If that sounds like the kind of community you’ve been looking for, I’d love to have you join us.
